• she's calling me again. and i saw her today but it was so, so different to how it usually is. maybe she's changed, and I wouldn't be surprised to hear that it made ME change, but I couldn't help it. she wasn't normal, hilarious, slightly schizo-in-a-good-way Ruth - she was nervous, still cracking jokes but ones that made absolutely no sense whatsoever, not even to me. I don't know what to do. I want to be a good friend, there for her, but i wouldn't know what to say if I picked up the phone. i just know it'd be a struggle to try and recreate the hour-long 'quick' phone calls we've ended up in before. this isn't a nice feeling...I want old Ruth back, but I also wish I knew how to deal with this New Ruth, who feels like a stranger. god, i need a break.

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