• ruth just called me. i didn't pick up. I'm a shit friend, aren't I? she told me she's been diagnosed with 'severe' (:/) depression and has started taking pills for it. this was after I asked her why she wasn't the slightest bit pleased to see me when I went to see her at work on friday. she went on to say (via text, I was on the D of E walk) 'Things have been making me unhappy' - i'm guessing possibly a combination of her parents splitting up and freddy not being there - 'and the doctor said counselling is useless at this point, and the pills will just stabilise my mood because half the time i'm manic and the other half I'm sad.' A part of me feels really, really fucking bad for Ruth - the part of me that's her best friend and that empathises when she's had a shitty day because of family tensions. i don't mind that part. it's the other part i'm worried about - the part that I shouldn' be feeling and REALLY don't want to be. it's the part that knows that, even though she's asked me not to discuss this with anyone, she'll tell Xavi. i know she will. they 'do' feelings with each other, even when they've barely spoken for the past month. and, of course, Xavi'll return some sort of deep, dark secret about his life to help comfort Ruth. then we'll be back at the beginning, the point where ruth always knew a little more about him inside than I do, and i'm sat in the corner nursing a horrible inferiority complex. i can't wait.

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