• what makes relationships work? why do people try so hard? i believe that their are certain steps in a relationship and none of them are good. it's all pain. everyone gets hurt. so why does everyone look for a relationship, when they know, they are just destined to get hurt? why do so many people search for love? i wish i could say that relationships are worth all the pain and the effort, but i don't think they are. i think it's more important to be selfish and to live your own life, before sharing a life with someone else. plus, how can you trust someone? someone can say anything they want, but in the end, the words mean nothing, because at the end of the day, the only things people remember is what someone did for them, not said to them. so, point one, no one can trust each other. and why get into a relationship without trust? point two, everyone gets hurt in a relationship, and i don't think i'm strong enough to get hurt yet. point three, i'm selfish. i'm pretty sure that's the only thing holding me back. yes, i'm scared, but i'm also selfish. i want to be able to experience life on my own and to be able to see who i want, when i want. i don't want to have to check-in with anyone. that wouldn't be MY life. it would be someone else's life. i don't think i'm ready to have someone else's life try to fit into mine. so, how am i suppose to know how to trust someone? if i ask, can i trust you? that doesn't get me far. they can prove it to me, but then, it wouldn't matter. so, how do i not get hurt? i think i'm well on my way to hurting people and hurting myself [for the first time in my life.] i don't want to be hurt, just because of someone else, i think i'm fine on my own. so, how do i learn to not be selfish? well, i'm eighteen years old, and i think i have earned myself my own right to be as selfish and pathetic as i want to be. i think it's allright for me to be scared and to have my wall. i think it's right for me to not let go. mixed emotions.

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