• how do you know if you are making the right decisions? i know that is such a cliche question, but really, how do you know? just wing it, i suppose. i mean, all the things i've done in my life, i probably wish i wouldn't of done, but i still don't regret it. it's who i am. i probably wouldn't of been friends with the people i was friends with. i wouldn't of wasted my time or let myself be treated like that. i would've just told the truth: you are a bitch and i do not want to be your friend anymore. simple as that. it's simple for me now, but why was i so sensitive before? i always was so worried about hurting everyone else's feelings that i never stopped to consider my own. i always let people use me and say the most horrible things about me, when they were suppose to be my best friends. not anymore. well, i can try anyway. so why is it that it is so hard for me to reach out to someone? why can't i just pick up a phone and ask them to come over? to be there for me? not just for me to be there for them? sometimes, i just don't want to be alone. but, i never tell anyone that i suppose. i just don't reach out. so, how do i stop my heart from beating so fast and my breath from slowing down? why is it i cannot catch my breath lately and my head feels like everything is going to come oozing out? why do i feel so dizzy and out of control all of the sudden? something that i ate? or am i just thinking too much, again? maybei just need to get out more, or stay in more. whichever one feels better. i need to figure out which one is better. it will make me feel better in the long run. i need to just figure myself out. what do i like? what do i WANT? help.

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