• watched A Beautiful Mind and my own head is spinning. made me realize how crazy i am. i cant explain. all the screaming i hear and the rhythmic bass lines that write themselves down in my nervous system. the way i've switched my preferences to idealistic dreams. it's a coping mechanism. i'm very sensitive to bright light and when i drink tea i tell the host to give me four and a half spoons of sugar because reality is too bitter swallow alone. i'm ever so scared to be alone. but you wouldnt be able to tell with the way i walk like i'm floating. then sometimes, i have my feet stapled to the floor and any pretty bird will tell you what that's like. indifference annoys me because i care too much. and it takes a lot of effort to pretend that i'm normal and "not licked yet!" and alive when you aren't smiling back. its twenty-two past two in the morning and i'm still thinking. i'm the given-up kind of angry right now. my eyes are falling into my skull because of how deep and dark these circles are. but i bet mom always told you to be nice to zombies and other species of corpses with pulses.

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