• Well clearly it's the ultimate fight. Sir Bobby would make a strong start by verbally pummelling Mustaine into a bewildered daze with a quickfire string of nonsensical football analogies and senseless metaphors for goal-hungry strikers and the escalating price of sliced bread. But Mustaine would surely conquer the wily old master of comedy BBC soccer punditry; not with a series of deadly taekwondo manouvres and bone-snapping judo holds, but with his overbearing sense of self delusion prompting a bizarre series of paranoiac ramblings, sending an already-senile Bobby headlong over the edge of reason and into an irrecoverable state of mental deficiency in which he repeatedly calls a bewildered Kerry King by the name of 'Carl Cort,' and attempts to recruit Daron Malakian to play for England in the 'upcoming' World Cup 1990 group stages to perform a steady anchoring duty in midfield alongside the comparably-sane Paul Gascoigne. Former captain Bryan Robson is left out of the tournament, because someone has to look after the parrots.

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