• Man, I really have no idea what to write about. I've been thinking, man, that maybe I shouldn't think so much anymore. It takes away character, you know? It takes away the simplicity of life and the ignorance that I can find so much comfort in. Like this whole religion thing. Goddamn! It was easy when I just blindy believed, had something to trust in, security, something to look forward too...But no, I can never be satsified with simplicity. I can never be content with easy facts (or opinions? I don't know :(), so I questioned, and here I am. I smoked weed yesterday, it wasn't any sort of epic experience or anything, but it made me miss it. How pathetic is that? I miss a drug. Even more pathetic than that, I miss not feeling anything at all. Everyone's fucking dying, man. What the fuck! Even people younger than me. That's not supposed to happen. Fuck. FUCK!! And of course, with death brings doubt, right? Whenever I believed in God (those fucking glorious days... what I would do to get them back.) everytime someone close to me or a family member died, I'd be like, "what the fuck, God? Seriously man, knock it off." But even so, whenever someone passed, I always figured they were going to heaven. But now it's like.. Great, dude. We get to stare at another soul-less body and hope to fucking Christ that they really enjoyed life, because there's nothing there, now. I don't know, man. It's like, the only reason I want to believe in God is because I want my loved ones to live on. The memories, they're not fucking enough. No matter how many times somebody says it, memories suck, man. Really. Sure, they can bring happiness for a split second, but knowing that there is no possiblilty to ever make memories again with that person... fuck dude! That's enough to make me physically sick. FUCK memories. And yeah, I do doubt God's existence, every single day. But not to the extent that you think. I always though that, I dunno, I'd have a big role in missionary work or something, hahaha. Maybe I'm just being conceited. Maybe I'm not. I fucking hate the christian lifestyle though. And fuck the Bible. Who are you to tell me how to act? I'm a hardass, I do woteva I want. (shiiiiiit.) No but seriously, the Bible honestly always seemed like a bunch of mumbo jumbo 2,000 year old religion jewish bullshit. I don't know, man. Idon'tfuckingknow. I guess lately I've just been started out my entries rambling like a motherfucker. Eventually it all rolls together, though. If you can understand this, congratulations, haha. 'Cause I'm not really sure what the fuck I'm talking about right now. AND If my mom's boyfriend has caught me doing so much, WHY doesn't he fucking tell on me? Stop frontin', Mike. I'm not retarded. You would sell me out so fucking fast if you caught me doing half the shit you claim you do. And I never jumped off the roof, you fucking idiot. That was a lighter that flew out of my room. Goddamn, you've pissed me off ever since I started dating Steven. I didn't steal the newspaper, I didn't walk through Marty's crops (why the FUCK would I be back there?!!?), and I SURE as FUCK didn't go through your nasty fucking porn stash. God, FUCK YOU MIKE. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!!! I liked you so much at first, man, but fuck! I can't even pretend anymore. You may treat my sister like a princess but you fucking demean me and Tara like a motherfucker. So she made some bad choices, big fucking deal. She's got her own job and apartment now and is obviously living well. Stop saying it's not going to last long and stop saying I'm going to end up just like her :(. JUST because I DEFEND my SISTER? If I said HALF the shit you say about Tara about YOUR sister, you would probably deck me. I can't believe a GROWN man can't act better than a fourteen year old girl. Maggie, my other sister, is my best friend. Honestly. I love her so much, she's such an amazing person. So you think, when you talk shit about me to my sister, my BEST FRIEND, she's not going to tell me? You're a fucking dolt. Just an ignorant fucking hick. You can polish my fucking shoes when I'm crushing you in the near future. Piss off, asshole. (didn't mean to make that so long about Mike. sorry. =\) I guess that concludes it. I'm so very much filled with anger lately. I am so sorry.

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