• the memory is still clear in my mind. my head was resting on his shoulder, his head was resting on mine, and the light of dawn crept in through the windows, warming the cold bus a bit. i looked at Anthony sound asleep, and I knew then I loved him. the feeling i got being with him was incredible. and seeing him last friday recharged those feelings. Simply stated, San Antonio was awesome! I'll never forget that trip... never. The bad thing is now I'll be comparing the next band trip to San Antonio because it was so awesome. I don't want to, but I can't help it. It's gonna be really hard not to compare anything to San Antonio because of Anthony. How am I suppose to have fun when everything reminds me of him? i love those memories, but i know people get sick of me telling them over and over again. i try hard not to talk about him, but sometimes it slips, and once again I'm ignored. people act like they don't care that i've been hurt... like they don't care period. even when i found out about my anemia, nobody seemed the least bit worried. nobody knew how much hell i went through during marching season. things were supposed to be different: Anthony and I were going to become even better friends, maybe more, and i was actually going to enjoy school. After Anthony left, everything came crashing down on me. I learned i can't get my hopes up because the exact opposite is guaranteed to happen (KU national championship is a good example.) and no one seems to care. everyone is too busy thinking about themselves to worry about others. all i can think about when i'm with my so called "friends" is how much they must not like me anymore. i used to like myself, but after the treatment i get from others i'm starting to not like myself either. so how am i suppose to love Anthony, when i don't even like me? when i'm with Anthony, I want to be a better person. he gave me a sense of importance, like i'm worth something. he listened to me, respected me, knew what i needed. he worried about me, cared about me, because if he didn't, he wouldn't have welcomed me with open arms. i don't care what others think of me now. i don't care if they think i'm crazy chasing after a guy that i haven't seen since August. i don't care about the negative side that my mom constantly talks about. i'm looking to the positive: being with Anthony will bring back the fun, the importance, the love I know because of him.

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