• Go Rest High on That Mountain by Vince Gill is such an extraordinarily beautiful song. It's one of the songs I picked for my uncle's funeral tomorrow. I will shed many a tear when it comes on unexpectedly during the service. It always happens. Other mediocre songs: Amazing Grace by Lari White (my mom's pick) In My Life by the Beatles Just A Closer Walk With Thee - Randy Travis (my aunt's pick) Knocking on Heaven's Door - Guns N Roses (my grandma's pick) and of course, the expected, The Dance by Garth Brooks. that song is more than just sad words strung together to form sad song to me. It is so much more. Every funeral I've ever been too, including Kelsey's, has played that. I don't want that to play at my funeral, though.. Maybe I'll have Friends in Low Places by Garth Brooks, hah! you know, I never realized how much the music matters at a funeral, anyways until I suddenly got put in charge of it. And it made me think... what the fuck would I want to have playing at my funeral? Like, when I think about it, FUCK no I don't want sad songs! Yeah people can cry over me, grieve, etc. But not at my goddamn funeral, man. I want good songs. Songs that make you dance. Songs that make you think. Songs that.. change lives. I want to go out changing lives, man! Who doesn't!? I think that's everyone's goal in life. To change someone else's life... I think it starts first with changing your own. And I think that's what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid of change but I abhor routine. It's so utterly confusing that I don't think I could possibly conjure up the correct words to elaborate. I'm a shitty explainer, anyways. I wish I could just show you what's going on inside my head. I swore off smoking. Well, I swore off hard drugs. It's fucking with me, bad. But I know I'll give it and get a little toke now and then, so I guess I just hereby announce that I'll slow down on smoking pot. Because, really, it's not worth the loss of memories. I hope this makes me feel better. Because, if it's not the pot and not the drugs, I think I have a serious problem on my hands. Or rather, in my head. "raging waves of the sea, foaming up their own shame; wandering stars for whom is reserved the blackness of darkness forever"

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