theres always a greater downside. thats how my life is thats how its always been thats how it will always be. So. shall we start with the upside??? Ben finally held my hand =]. we talk more now. thats all. thats the only upside Downside to the fucking days i live: My dads in Pittsburg until friday. Im stuck here. Until then. i cant take it. I do what she asks for, yet some how i do it wrong. I dont do what she wants, and thats wrong too (which i get). No matter what it is. it cud just be saying "Hi mom. how was ur day?" and that would be all wrong and i wud get slaughtered for it. I cant live with her ne more. i rly truly cant. yet theres no place for me to go. Im not allowed to move in with my dad 1) he works all day and night and 2) that wud break her heart (even if its made out of stone) but then again, why the hell do i care? I also want to go see a phsyciatrist. I cant handle all of this by myself anymore. Usually my friends helped me, but now its too deep, and theres too much i cant/dont want to tell them. But no way in hell am i gonna ask her if i can go to one. Thats just not gonna happen b/c of so many different reasons. I just dont knwo what to do anymore Theres so much i wish i cud tell her. Theres so much i wish i cud make her see. Yet there is no way in hell that she wud EVER in a million years listen to me. and honestly. i dont want her to. No matter what i do, its never enough for either of them. im always being compared to my younger sister, who gets straight A's and obviously doesnt "get on their nerves". which is bs. b/c i do the same thing she does. and i get my ass kicked from here to pluto. Its just not fair. They always say "theres no favorites here" and its obvious there is. When its just me and shannon on our own, we're fine. but as soon as our parents are involved, we hate each other. wat is this? I really need sum1 to talk to who actually knows how to help me. i cant do it on my own ne more. i just cant. ----------------------------------------------------------- And it feels like tonight. I can't believe I'm broken inside. Can't you see that there's nothing that I wanna do, But try to make it up to you? And it feels like tonight, Tonight. I was waiting For the day you'd come around. I was chasing, And nothing was all I found. From the moment you came into my life, You showed me what's right.