• What a great two days I've had. Actually..they've been hell. First, I fight with my childhood friend because she's a spoiled little brat. She thinks her parents are oh so mean because she needs new clothes, make up, and hair prodcuts. Maybe if she didn't shop at the most expensive stores possible, didn't wear 2 pounds of make up, and didn't need 10 hair products to make her hair look the same as it always does, she would have all the shit she wants. It's not even like she doesn't get whatever she wants whenever she wants it. She is spoiled rotten. She is greedy. I love her to death though, and I could never stop being friends with her. We've been friends for 7 years now. I ended up apologizing and taking the high road, of course everything is peachy keen now. She's still the same spoiled person, she always will be and my words will never change that. That was last night. Then today, I got in a big screaming argument with my abusive boyfriend. Yeah..I'm throwing that out there. Hence, what I can never talk about in this journal. Anyhow..we got into a fight and he held me down and I felt like I was suffocating, so I started hitting his back to get him to stop, he smashed his face against mine, and then bites my cheek as hard as he can. I scream and start yelling to get out of my house. He leaves my room, I lock the door. He calls my mom to pick him up and take him home. (while crying hysterically) He still isn't sure if it's over. It is. I wrote him a letter to clarify (there is no way in hell I'm getting near him) and a sent photos of the big bite marks on my cheek. I'm very scared right now in all honesty. I'm scared and paranoid. I'll be leaving soon, for AR. The original plan was wait until I'm going to leave, break things off and try to enjoy my summer alone. That didn't work out. These marks look so bad. I showed a friend a photo of them, and he said they should go away in a few days..I hope he's right, I feel like a freak show. So that was the first part of my day. Now as I was talking to a dear friend I was telling him how I wished a different friend was online. And he asked why an I said 'because he is comforting and nice to talk to' and he got mad. Which okay..he's mad..that's okay. But I listen to him talk about Suss (my childhood friend) every fucking day, and I never say anyhting. Just randomly he'll be like 'suss is so cool/cute/funny/etc' whatever he wants to put in that day. It's annoying, but I don't get pissy because I know Suss means something to him. So how can he do that to me? Especially with all the shit I just went through..you've got to be kidding. He reads this, so he'll most likely see all of it. I don't care. How could you do this trev? Why? Why right now out of all times? =\ I feel so lonely. I can't wait to be away from all this, all these people that just make me feel awful. I've been feeling really lonely lately, to top off all the other shit feelings I have. woo... I'm kind of happy though...in a way..I'm out of my abusive relationship. It's been almost two years now since we started dating. Probably about a year he's been abusing. I have a different journal that explains all of it, I haven't written in it in a long time. It's not like the people tried to make me feel lonely..I'm not blaming them..I just do. I feel really useless, most the people I know I help out, but they've all been helped/helped themselves, and they're okay now. I have no one left to help, I'm useless. I don't know.. I have so much on my mind. It just doesn't seem like anyone understands what's going through my mind. Maybe one person..but I don't know.. I hope I come back a new person after this summer. I don't know what I'll do if I come back and still feel awful.. I don't really want to think about it either. I'm leaving the 7th so if I don't post much after that, don't worry..not that you would, but just in case. I don't like to just disappear on people. Anyways..I think I need to get off to bed..these past days have really taken a toll. Especially today with all that.... Here's the link to my other journal, I have no reason to hide it. : -link removed- I don't need that dead weight anymore. Quote of the Day: ~"“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.”~ ---Mark Twain Take care.

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