• I just want you to know, i still think of you. even if you never think of me. I just want you to know, that i never meant to hurt you. Please don't come back at me with an excuse or another reason to hurt me back. I just want you to know, that you had my heart at one time, even if you never believed you did. I want you to know, that you were the last thing on my mind at night, and the first thought in the morning. I want you to know that I smile, laugh, and cry. And sometimes, it's for the same reasons. I want you to know, that even if we were apart, I knew you loved me. I just want you to know, that even if you stumbled over your words, I knew what you were trying to tell me. I want you to believe in what I say. even when i lie. at least pretend and give me a chance. Show that you trust me. I hope you know that my choice would be to not change, stay with what's familiar. but, believe me when i say, i have to try. i want you to believe, that i can be indepedent and dependent at the same time. i just want you to know, that sometimes, you did get in the way of both. and it made me feel awful. i just want you to know how to give and take. allow me to give to you, don't let me use you. don't let me take too much from you, because you deserve better. don't let my laugh fool you. i just want you to know that i always try to have a back-up plan. i won't let myself fall completely. if i seem to get over something fast, it's because i was prepared for it. i prepare for the worst. that way, i never get hurt. i just want you to know that i try not to love anyone. because sooner rather than later, they leave. so is it better to have love and lost than never to have loved at all? i'm only eighteen. i don't know the answer. but, all i know is that i think it is better to never have loved at all. love is an addiction. and a pain. and incredible. it's almost everything. i just want you to know that i lied to you. i lie to protect myself and to hide my feelings. it seems worth it to me at the time, to lie to you. if you lied to me previously, it's almost like i'm getting back at you. stupid, huh? i just want you to know the way i am. i want you to trust me, even though i won't trust you. i want you to make me laugh, even when i tell you to leave me alone. i want you to be around, even if i'm sleeping. i want you to be able to read my mind, even though i know you can't. maybe what i'm looking for is a soul mate. and i don't believe those exist. i don't know what i'm looking for or what i want anymore. i want everyone else to be happy. but me, i'd rather be realistic than happy. i just want you to believe my choices are right. i want you to support me, even if you know i'm wrong. i want you to tell me the truth, even if it hurts me. i will get over it. i promise. don't even tell me you promise me anything. i won't believe you. promises don't mean anything. when i make a promise, i mean it. i just wish other people would. so what makes me not trust? what makes me not believe you? so if life is a circle, will someone really come back? i want you to know, to believe that i am only human. i am trying my best. i am who i am. some days are harder than others. and today, is hard. just believe me. i'm sorry if i let you down. i'm sorry if i will let you down. i cannot promise you i'm easy. it's complicated. i'm complicated. i suppose you have to give me a chance. just remember, i will love you to the moon and back

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