• This is not me feeling abandoned This is not me being jealous This is not me being judgmental or so i'd like to think I don't know what my real motives are but i do know what you're doing is wrong All the Bitching. Lying. Complaining. Bragging. It needs to stop [I think I'm better than you because of it don't i? I'm such a hypocrite. And saying that doesn't make it any better.] I'm addicted to people i think i can help [fix] But i'm just as bad They're just my next fix Make me feel better about myself When really i'm doing nothing for no one. What should i be focusing on? When can i get the right to judge? Why can't i stop Is it selfish to just live your life the way you believe is right and let other people do what they want? Or is that what i want, for it to be selfish, so that i have a reason to "help" others. Am i any better than you? No. Are you any better than me? If you don't have problems with all this stuff, i think yes. But i know it's not true. No one is better than anyone. We're all just as desperate Just as lost Even if we don't always see it. So where to from here? Home i guess. Back to our comfort zones Repetition and Distraction. It's so hard to talk to her about religion. I hate that word. It's not religion, It's Jesus. He isn't religion. Religion is getting up at 7 am and having toast for breakfast every morning. The journey of getting to know his love and mercy is not religion. But that's what you call it. I can't be honest with you. [I don't know how to help you because you won't understand it would require you to have faith but you don't want to trust in anything without proof. (that doesn't make you a bad person)] I know christians suck, just as much as anyone else. So try not to rely on us for a valid demonstration of what we believe in! I don't even know what i believe. I don't understand. But i'm getting there Slowly. I'm hoping to understand a decent amount of the world by the time i die. I love knowledge. I love history. It's so weird... But i've begun appreciating it. And then falling back into the arrogant ungrateful deranged teenager i was destined to be. Only a few more years.

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