• i really hate this. hatethishatethishatethis. I've got so much homework left to do. I can't figure out how to solve a freaking logarithim. God, this is ridiculous. Why do I even care? The truth is, I don't. I know in the course of a lifetime, it won't matter at all. But I put on a good front, a happy face for the parents. And I try so hard to just work, to shut out everything.. But it keeps coming back. I'm so scared for the future. I don't know what;s goign to happen to me. I feel like a puppet on a string. i've lost all control, i need an escape. But everytime i swear I'll never go back, that I'll just give it up, we have one of those perfect moments. And then i swear all this shit, this waiting around never sure of what the deal is game, is something i can handle. But right now, when I'm losing so badly, it's fucking taking over my everything. There's no room left to care about Lord of the Flies or la cultura en espana. Just. This. He basically ignored me at school today. And yesterday he told me i was one of the best people in his life. I'm so confused. He loves me, he loves me not. All i want is a straight up answer. That's really not much to ask. God this is killing me. This unsureness, the helpless feeling. All of it slowly destroying every ounce of resistance the past few years have taught me to hold up. Why does he do this? I'm really starting to fear for my own sanity

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