i'mtrying to become happier, but it seems i function with some allotment of social interactions per week? month? however long, and at renn fayre i exceeded that. did i build myself to be this way? i don't understand why i can't find myself willing to leave my room anymore i fear the outside now and i stay inside, dreaming of talking to others these daydreams are killing me. i can't help it, i want to trust someone i want someone to depend on i'd like someone to cuddle with. i hate knowing it is me i hate knowing what is wrong with me and wanting to change it i can't change, after all these years i am still the same, i have only built structures for predermined events no skills, nothing acquired a fragile stupid thing.