• "so sick, so sick of being tired, and oh so tired of being sick, we're both such magnificent liars, so crush me baby, i'm all ears. so obviously desperate, so desperately obvious." that is exactly how i feel right now. boy who leads me on, sucks. he cannot follow through with anything. "let's hangout tomorrow" i'm tired of you. i wish you would finally just say what you mean. say it. say you want me to go away. say you want me here. say something. anything. shit. i'm just here. i'm always here. just desperate. and it's so obvious. i need to forget him. i need to just stop thinking about him. just, whenever he wants to talk or hangout, be like allright, cool. be more relaxed about this. there are plenty of other boys who are fine with talking and hanging out with me. and why him? Why him? blah. i'm so messed up. and my mom just keeps falling over. and it's "don't worry." but everytime i think i hear a collaspe, my heart almost jumps out of my chest. i don't know what i'm going to do when i leave. i'm going to have a heart attack! ahhh. my life is more complicated than ever. i don't even know how to handle this. i think too much. stop thinking! stop! i need to just accept what's happening and take life with a grain of salt. 'whenever you feel like you are going to crash through the floor, just float' mr. bradley rocks. i think that's the best bit of advice i have gotten since leonard. before, i always use to tell myself to just breathe, but thinking that in my head is way better. i need to just learn how to float.

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