• so there was an all-nighter last night! fell asleep on Adam under the flat bank to the light of the fire (a pallet they'd found and set alight) and it felt so damn perfect. LOL i squat-n-dropped. making me 95% less of a pussy than all other girls with us at the time :P but seriously. if you need a piss, youve got to be a man about it. and man i want some of Liam + Dec's banana milkshake. it might quite a few people feel ill but i took it like a man. cause im manly. oh, she's a handsome woman. yeah, i had to help Liam out last week.. his confidence had hit the floor and for some reason he intrigues me, so i drew up a plan to get his self-esteem up. i am the master of self-esteem - i've seen how awful hitting the floor is, and i've made it pretty much my life mission to save everyone else from that damned place. only my plans never seem to work. Liam's went according - he started going out with Becca, and that made him happy. only she turns out to be the, what is it now, third girlfriend who's gonna cheat on him with Alex The Wemo Cunt? so yeah i had to deal with that 'cause Liam takes it all out on me in drama.. well no, not in a bad way, he just talks everything through with me and i help him out. but i THINK it's all gonna be ok. so thats good. so yeah i am master of self-confidence.. only mine seems to have shot into bordering on pure arrogance. and im getting scared im gonna get myself into shit that i cant get out of. but yeah whatever its ok. i'll pull through whatever. i always do. see? arrogance. oh but im getting better at taking compliments. a simple 'thank you' actually makes both parties feel better than arguing and putting yourself down/bigging the other person up. or so i find. and i feel more gracious. "Can't remember or don't want to remember..?" are you as terrified of your past as i am of mine...? i have crossed SO much off my mental 'things to do before i die' list. sleep under the stars, go in a mosh pit, pass out on a bathroom floor, do shit in a car park... hm why is life perfect? do i deserve this? i always knew my angels would look after me. now i need to get some homework done. im doing great :) im using the bank holiday to get on top of my coursework. im only allowing myself out on monday if its all done. and i think it will be :D ugh that Mr Hale. every time i tried to explain why i couldnt get my coursework done he just blanked me and carried on talking like i hadnt said anything. this is why i never ask for help and get so behind in everything; 'cause they dont help you, they make you feel like a failure. asswipes. By the half light of the fire... ohh helllo im getting lyrical inspiration. i usually only get that when im depressed. i dug out a load of lyrics i wrote back in October - December time. there was like a folder full. they're all about the same person. about jealousy, being unrequited, being led on, caring too much... awful stuff. there's some stuff written around Christmas about me wrecking myself. and i mean actually properly. its horrible. and yet glamourous at the same time. it degrades love, it tears apart morals, and yet its incredibly, incredibly glamourous. it was the kind of lifestyle i wanted to lead.. enough about that. tea's nearly ready, im off.

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