well its been a while. lets start with the ups: 1) the freshman sb team is 5-1-1 which is suprisingly good since the 2 middle schools sucked last year 2) ?????????? i dont think that there is a 2. pretty sad isnt it??? so. now for the downs: 1) im having doubts again, about *B*. i know hes quiet and rly shy, but hes been A LOT more quiet and just idk. i feel like hes lost interest in me. i mean, its not my fault i dont get home til 5pm or later every night and that hes never on when i am, and that he never stays after school OR comes to school ontime in teh morning. so theres nothing i can do, right? and yet i feel like it was (or still is) my fault. what ever [it] is. and im at a loss. im stuck. therre is nothing that i know of that can make him come back. and a month ago he said it was stress. ok. so? everyone has stress. and i know it effects some differently than others but there has to be sumthing else. something more troubling thats making him pull away from me. but what is it? i. dont. know. and thats what scares me. we're in a relationship yet i feel like i dont know him at all. i feel like its back to november when we first started being friends and he was awkard and like didnt talk. then he started talking more and becoming more comfortable with me and now its back to square one. square fucking one. and im fucking sick and tired of it. it= being left in the dark. being worried about him with out him even knowing. it being every little fucking thing i feel so alone on this. the other day on teh way to sb practice, taylor was talkign abotu how perfect tj is and how hes everything she cud of asked for. how he always knows when sumthing is wrong, when she wants to be held and just that they dont need to tlak to fill a silence. i wish i had that. i knwo thats selfish but i dont fuckign care. i feel like im still single, and i liked feeling like there was sum1 out there who liked me for me and i cud be myself and not feel the need to be sum1 i wasnt. but i dont feel like that anymore cuz im afraid that if i say sumthing wrong with him, i cud, just possibly, send him over the edge. and whats waiting over [it], i dont know. and now i dont even know if he still likes me. eric used to assure me that he was head over heels for me, and now, im not so sure. and im not so sure i like the new him either. i just want some reassurence, from some one or sumthing. idc. i just need sumthing to keep [this] alive. **************************************** And maybe, we were made We were made for each other Ahh, is it possible for the World to look this way forever? Ahhh, Ahhh...