• it's nice to take a break sometimes. I just came home from school and watched 3 straight hours of t.v. ahhhhhhhhh. so relaxing. I know i hav homework and stuff, but i just needed that. an afternoon of blissful nothing to help clear my head. he texted me this afternoon to come over after school. Suprising, considering you're a bitch lecture part two took place during lunch today. huh, go figure. I hate when he gets all silent and moody like that. it's just so awkward. And then i just have to sit there and stare at my shoes. Cuz anything i do or say will be the wrong move. It was the weirdest thing though...while he was being all disappointed and pisssed off i really just wanted to have him hold me. Like my mind is screaming i hate you, but i keep leaning in closer and closer. I think its that somewhere in my mind i figured if he was holding my hand while he shot me down i could take it. If he was rubbing my knee, i could genuinely believe he cared. "You're giving me no credit" i told him. "Aren't you listening? I already told you you're the coolest person ever when I'm with you. You kust change in front of your friends" I don't change. Atleast not that much. Not worth getting all worked up over. I hate letting everyone down. Can't they all see how hard I'm trying? I want to trun over a new leaf. Like so bad. I want to be the girl everyones's watching. Not with envy, not with awe, just with respect. Because I know i can do anything i put my mind to. And i will make him truly love me. Absolutely flawless. And i know it sounds crazy because i swear i don't love him, and i'm almost positive he's not the one, but his approval would mean the world. Possibly, because I know his is the hardest to get. It's a gratifaction of sorts. My reward for sticking with it this persistantly I need to go write. Maybe someday?

• No Comments

Log in now to tell us what you think this song means.

Don’t have an account? Create an account with SongMeanings to post comments, submit lyrics, and more. It’s super easy, we promise!