• Jesus Christ, that's a pretty face The kind you'd find on someone that could save If they don't put me away It’ll be a miracle That is how i feel. some people are just too beautiful to forget. they are too beautiful. and you lose your mind. it is almost like they could save you. and i do feel like i'm going crazy. i'm losing all my control, and control, i value a lot. i want to have control, because it's the only thing i really have for myself. Do you believe you're missing out? That everything good is happening somewhere else With nobody in your bed The night is hard to get through i believe i'm missing out. i'm missing out on things because i'm not confident enough. i'm not happy with myself. i have no idea what i want either. i could try something, but something holds me back. i feel like ishpeming is a dead end, and i need to get out. and with nobody in my bed, it is depressing. it's almost like i really need someone by my side. no matter how much my independence means to me, someone laying down next to me, would make the night so much better. And I will die all alone And when I arrive I won’t know anyone scary, isn't it? to think that everyone is going to die alone. we don't even know if we get a chance to say good-bye. everyone is afraid to be alone, but dying alone. that is an even greater fear. add dying to anything, and it sounds horrible. Jesus Christ, I’m alone again So what did you do those three days you were dead? Because this problem is gonna last More than the weekend jesus. i want to ask from help from him sometimes. but then, i wonder. do i really believe in him? do i have full faith? but everytime i have prayed for something, it worked. so why don't i have faith yet? what do i think it is? coincidence? luck? fate? i don't know yet. i want to know how he felt. i want to know what he went through. i want to know him. but there is no possible way that i can. how am i suppose to have all my faith in someone who i don't even know? i want him to help me though. i want him to help me through my problems. i want him to know that i'm alive and i'm trying. Jesus Christ I’m not scared to die But I’m a little bit scared of what comes after Do I get the gold chariot Or do I float through the ceiling jesus. i'm scared of what happens after i die. kill me whichever way you seem fit, but what happens after that? pitch black? please don't tell me that it ends there. i need to know that there is something after this life. Or do I divide and pull apart Cause my bright is too slight to hold back all my dark This ship went down in sight of land And at the gates does Thomas ask to see my hands? help me. help me understand you. help me understand what you want from me. I know you're coming in the night like a thief But I’ve had some time, O Lord, to hone my lying technique I know you think that I’m someone you can trust But I’m scared I’ll get scared and I swear I’ll try to nail you back up So do you think that we could work out a sign So I’ll know it's you and that it's over so I won't even try I know you're coming for the people like me But we all got wood and nails And we turn out hate in factories We all got wood and nails And we turn out hate in factories We all got wood and nails And we sleep inside of this machine i lie. all the time. i lie for myself and for others. who am i trying to protect? who am i hurting? nobody tells me, so i guess i just won't know. but he'll know. and if he does come, how am i going to know it's him? i don't have faith. i don't know what to expect. i'm scared. i'm scared of change. i'm scared of myself. i'm scared to be happy. i'm scared to be alone. i'm afraid. of my future. and if i will be able to handle it. if i will be able to stand on my own two feet and succeed. this is my last year of high school. my last month. and then on to real life. it is not like graduating from eighth grade. i'm moving away. from everyone. maybe even myself. i wish i could just open myself up and know how i really feel. it's like i have so many layers. i don't know what i'm doing for myself anymore. i can't make my own decisions. i base them off everyone else. especially my mom. she's always been there for me, so there's no reason why i shouldn't be there for her right? my thinking is crazy. i don't know what's wrong with me lately. i feel like i'm losing all control. i'm dizzy, i'm weak, i'm restless. this is who i am.

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