• i didn't talk to j.c. today. i never got a chance to. maybe i will tomorrow, but probably not. wednesday and thursday i might be able to, because we have a test both days. i'm not in the mood to type. maybe later. ---------- okay so i'm back. i was just thinking a little bit, and i realized everything probably would have been easier if i told him myself. it would probably still be awkward, but i could have...i don't know, maybe talked to him about it ? cause now i feel to awkward to even talk to him. HJHKSHDKJSd. i wish he would just talk to me. even just say hey or something. i should just give up. it's going to be way harder with boys now. i'm probably going to always be to shy about it, even though i'm outgoing with pretty much everything else. i'm loud, talkative, i smile a lot, laugh constantly, people even tell me i'm like that. but when it comes time to talk to a boy i like, or i think is cute, i freeze up. i'm fine around michael, brad, alex, mark and them, but with anyone i'm slightly interested in i am super shy. today was alright. not a great day, but not bad. lauren is in a great mood because of a boy she met camping, so she's been talking about him all day. i'm happy for her, but it makes me sad that she's in a good situation with a boy and nothing ever goes right with boys i like. i had a good day, except for math, which sucked because i got an 80 on a test, and world studies, which pretty much sucks every day. i'm usually better in math, so no i'm stressing that i'm slipping. i'm a straight A student, and my mom expects at least A's and B's. if i don't do good on the next few graded things, i'm screwed. in world studies i could barely concentrate. fucking hearing his voice makes me go crazy, and it doesn't help that he never has a quiet day. i want to laugh at nearly everything he says, but i feel like i can't. i wish it would all just stop. i need to stop fucking worrying. my life is so stressful. this stress is going to get to me soon enough.

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