• 4/21 zachary steven merrick- happy birthday wednesday, thursday,friday were alright, pretty normal. wednesday was my last night of ccd, boring as usual. the overall day was good, fooled around with friends and had fun like usual. thursday went by pretty fast, nothing stood out. friday i had a sub. in my study that we usually have to be silent in, and my best friend has it with me, so i fooled around that whole period. all my other classes were easy, since friday was the last day before vacation started. we mostly watched movies, and everyone fooled around and joked with each other. last two periods we had the student vs. faculty basketball game, which was great. students lost, which sucked, but i sat with all my friends and we laughed pretty much the whole time. one kid who played in the game was really hot, so me and my friends cheered and yelled every time he came out. we were totally obnoxious the whole game, and it couldn't have been more fun. there was only one person trying to ruin our fun, and we were total assholes to him, which made us laugh even more. the only person who could really ruin it sat in the same row as me, but farther down, so it was fine. no looks from my friend who knows, nothing. soccer later that night was funny, one of my friends and i couldn't stop laughing at our coaches, which was great. on saturday i had soccer, and we won. that was good, a distraction from thinking. i just thought about the game, nothing else. i watched a movie that night, and just hung out, got some reading done. even though i didn't do much, i managed to not think about anything that had to do with school. sunday was another lazy day, though i did take a walk with some of my family. it felt good to get out, it was such a nice day. i watched some tv that night, had a long talk with my sister about all things random, and went to bed, managing somehow to not think about it. today i read for a while, watched the episode of exposed with zack merrick on youtube, watched a bunch of all time low's buzznet video's, and got my hair cut. no school all week, thank god for vacation. in the small amount of time i have been thinking, i wonder why i like him so much. i've composed two lists: why i like him, and why i hate him. why i like him: just the way he smiles makes me want to smile. it warmed me up when i caught him smiling at me, part of why i thought he liked me. he always seems to be laughing, and makes me laugh. hes a total goof, and i love being goofy. he laughed a lot whenever we talked, and i liked that. he can be serious though, especially when threatened by our bitch of a world studies teacher. whenever she says the word 'detention' he calms down. i love that he can be calm like that, but isn't always serious. plus, he notices things. i never said anything about having bad eyesight to him, but said something to me about not having my glasses. i've talked to olivia about glasses near him, maybe once or twice, but he remembered. he asks questions, like if i went to a boys like girls concert when i wore a blg shirt. it was a no, but he was curious enough to ask. he's very talkative, like me. i hate not knowing what to say, and before everything happened, i never felt that. he just talked, and i talked right along with him. why i hate him: he stopped talking to me after he found out i liked him. he doesn't know i know what lauren did for me, so i just try to act normal. but he stopped making me laugh whenever we have to sit next to each other for a test, only asking me a question about the test. everything is awkward now. i feel like i have to go into a shell around him now, instead of feeling i could open up to someone other than my few best friends. i'm afraid of confrontation, that something will go wrong, so i've basically stopped talking in world studies, except to olivia or to anyone who asks me a question. i don't want him to say anything that doesn't fit how i want it to be, so i can't even look at him anymore. he'd say something to me if i talked, but i'm scared of what. my whole situation brings up fears: i have a lot. i try to not be scared, but i can't help it. when something goes wrong when i do something, i become afraid and stay away from it. i've become more of an avid music listener this year. it helps me. i can think while i listen, or just concentrate on the lyrics. i never had this close of a relationship with music, or loved so many bands like i do. my music taste has changed, and i've changed along with it. i'm less shy, and do whatever i want now. i listen to stuff most people don't, not just what i hear on the radio. i don't care what people think about me, i'm more me now. wow this is long. -_- ---------------------- i'm back! ha-ha. i need to stop thinking about what happened. it's over, he knows, big deal. but i can't stop thinking about it, and at times of major self-pity i dream up ideas for why he said he doesn't like me. does one of his friends like me, and he made some sort of promise with them? stephen does seem to try to get my attention a lot... it goes on and on. i need to give it up. maybe if someone liked me, i could forget everything. i could see what happens with them, and move on. i sorta think michael likes me, we've been friends forever, but lauren has him pinned for kate. lauren has a whole fantasy that i end up with j.c, she ends up with kyle/ricky, kate ends up with michael, and gen and kelley end up with whoever, depending on who our major focus is on at the time. i want to scream at her ITS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! michael seems to like me, kate definitely doesn't like him, kyle probably would have asked her out already if he liked her, and j.c doesn't like me. she's pissed that the whole thing with j.c didn't work out, but i really could care less. i still like him, but i'm trying to get over it. i need a fresh start. i'm hoping i can have a clean slate after vacation, a new person to flirt with and fall for, and just forget the past month. i don't know who though, i've wasted most of my chances. i've decided to be open to whatever comes, and just go with it. vacations rock. it makes me happier to not worry about anything, and to not see his face every day and want to cry. i think i might be finally getting over him.

• No Comments

Log in now to tell us what you think this song means.

Don’t have an account? Create an account with SongMeanings to post comments, submit lyrics, and more. It’s super easy, we promise!