• I've been in a bad mood like all week. [I blame the sickness and the 96 straight hours with one person I can barely spend 45 minutes with.] I complain about a bunch of stuff, but I've been thinking about him for like thirty minutes now. Jesus. I've been building this effing wall for five years, man. Five years. And I've never even TALKED to him. Sure, I've known him for like... ten years or some crap like that? I don't talk to those people. Or socialize much with them. At all. So, WTF?! I hate being a teenager. Honestly, man. I don't even LIKE teenagers. I like adults and little kids. Kids my age, not so much. [Maybe that's because they don't like me?] I've been working on this whole "not feeling" deal for five to seven years. And I randomly decide that I like him, and the whole thing just flies out the window? ...!? I didn't even realize that I've been blocking/ignoring emotions for years until this year. I didn't feel bad - I didn't really feel ANYTHING. Well, last year was awesome. Very possibly the best years of my life. But whatever. This year sucks, and I want to go back to the whole filtered feelings deal. Sorry. I think I just see emotions as a weakness.

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