• boy who leads me on is back in my life. He actually calls me when he says he does. And he cares about me. Apparently, my leaving does make a difference to him. He doesn't want to care about me, then I am going to leave. He's not enough to make me stay. I kissed him, finally. I have wanted to know for two years what it would be like to kiss him. And it was incredible. I will probably regret it later, but for now. Incredible. One of the best kisses I have had in my life. I burned some calories. The BEST possible way to burn calories, I have to say. Now, whenever I am online, he makes sure to talk to me. I talked to him about his feelings or whatnot for me. He cares for me, he might LOVE me, he thinks about me a lot. I'm different from any other girl he has liked, which makes me feel good. I want to stand out. I just don't want to be another random girl who he makes out with and cops a feel all the time. I want him to think of me. In cosmo, it says that guys think about girls, they are just not so vocal and they are not going to call the second they do. I hope he thinks about me. It would make all the difference in the world. I really do like him. I shouldn't, but he is amazing. He is such a challenge. He says all the wrong things, but they are exactly what I want to hear. How messed up is that? I am messed up. He knows how to touch me. He knows how to show affection. That is super important to me. After all, I am eighteen. I want some physical intimacy. And most importantly, I want some with him. Boy who leads me on is so confusing. Lost yet? I am completely bi-polar with him. One second, I'm yelling at him, glaring him down, the next his tongue is shoved in my mouth. Oh, gosh. Wild. I want himmmmmmm. and I will have him.

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