• i sound so happy and arrogant in my past few entries. because that's what i am. deflecting misty raindrops with my crinkle-eyed smile. he said it brightened up his day. but i don't think it does anymore, or maybe i'm just being insecure. i hate how he's the only one who has the power to make or break my day. it's not stitches or scars with him; it's hello or no hello. i feel guilty when i'm having good days(touch wood), kind of like i'm robbing from the mouths and giving to the eyes. not complaining. i wish you could see the sky the way i do. 'it's raining, why are you taking a picture?' you don't understand. it's irrational for me to like somebody like him. i'm a fucking psycho and he's not. it only gets me down some of the time. i try not to think about it. i'm always so afraid of destroying beautiful things. kind of glad i can't hurt helena anymore. you don't understand that either. i still love her more than most. all the bestfriends i have expire after a year or so. facts of life. I'm whistling in the key of hopeless love and screwing everything up with a nod of my head. this, and only this, you understand. should've known better than to call you out.

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