So I'll start to pretend im ok But you should know by now that My life is smoke and mirrors, The one thing is crystal clear That i'm the one wishing i was someone else, Anyone but me tonight Inside i start to fall apart. (Where do we go?) And i'll pretend im holding on (Where do we go?) So i guess ill bleed in silence.(In silence) I guess i'll bleed in silence. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- i wish barbara and shannon wud go to hell. i dont even feel like i cant even call barbara my mom anymore. thats how disconnected i feel from her. last nite tay and i slept over anna's and when my mom picked us up this morning, we dropped taylor off and she starts yelling at me for my room not being clean. WTF?!?!?!?! i cleaned it, but sorry for it not being as spotless as u wud like. I dont like things squeaky clean. so sorry for my inconvinence. contrary to what u mite think, i dont try to annoy u on purpose. i just cant take the fucking shit you're always throwing at me so i get pissed and then u say im a fucking horrible daughter and i make ur life so much fucking harder. sorry. or am i? im not. u deserve every fucking thing. when u say you're dying, i secretly think "can i make this process faster" "i cant wait for it to come true"... and so on. i dont think you realize how much i despise you. i dont anyone does or ever will. When you die im throwing a party for all those people that hate and have hated you. what a party that will be. I never did anything to hurt you and yet you find it in that warm, caring heart, all the hate one person has ever needed, and more, and you take all that hate out on me. Maybe if i ever did do sumthing to you, i cud understand the hatred, but i never did a single fucking thing, except live, and sorry if thats a crime. maybe because of you, i wont be living much longer. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- back to the story. she drops tay off and is yelling at me. so when we pull in the garage, the goes to get the mail and my hands are full so i knock on the door b/c its locked. my sister is upstairs. she screams "IM UP STAIRS! IM NOT GETTING IT!!!!!!!" so she storms down the stairs throws open the door and says "YOU'RE SO LAZY! THERES A KEY RIGHT THERE!" so i say "thanks?" and she was like "ARE YOU HAPPY" and she storms back up the stairs, so i bring my stuff up and my room is right next to the office where she was and she bangs open the door and is like "YOU'RE SO LAZY!" so scream "Y R U SUCH A JACKASS?!?!?!?!?!" and my mom comes in and starts screaming at me b/c she cud hear me screaming at my sister from the mail box. so i go upstairs and i blast Madina lake (