• I think I've hit quota to call me a whore, now. No one knows, which is what's good. Well... except a little thing. Lets see. First there was Christian. We really had something, I felt it. But he just wanted my body. At least we still kinda talk. Then there was Brian... I would love to use the excuse that I was totally drunk, but I hold my alcohol way too well, and the 4 jagerbombs and a few beers didn't effect me enough for me to say I didn't want to give him anything. So, that was also of my free choice. Then friday night Kellen tried to get somewhere with me. I just kept it at light kissing, thank god. I really hate to break hearts. He told people, and that sucks. At least with everyone else I fuck I most likely don't know anyone they know, and by the time I wake up in the morning, they're in a different state. Like Saturday night I blew Matt, which I knew was coming. But at this point I wasn't even there. I was thinking about all these other things I had to do; when Bree was coming home; how sexy tiff is; if I'll get home on time. He was just fucking a doll. Then last night--- oh my god. I can't believe myself. Doing guys in a band is one thing, cuz they don't care about relationships anyways, but I had sex with one of my best friends, whom I don't even like that much. He's been in love with me since we met. I won't even touch him. How'd we end up having sex? That's beyond me. I need a girrrrrl. I want some boobs. I'm sick of dick. I THOUGHT I was gay, I really did. Then Christian came in my life and made me realize that it's easier just to get love from someone older than me (ranging from 4 years older to twice my age) and forget about them the next day. I have a feeling this is just as bad of a road as drugs were. I hope I turn out alright. I hope I find true love. Maybe. It kind of scares me. I am on my rice crispy treats diet. Two a day keeps the fat away. I haven't cut in so long that the ones on my wrist are almost gone. I don't know if that's good or bad. I just don't know much, do I?

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