• Wow i havent written a journal in ages.i suppose that would make my initial"lets keep this thing going" idea was kinda....lost?oh well,everything seems to be these days. ive grown a lot this year.an awful lot. in the middle of prep for the gcses-fifth year exams-and it really sucks.yet i find myself not caring-at the worst possible time.Ive always had the perfect marks,and now,when such results are most important..I'm slipping.And i wonder if theres anyone out there who feels the same?Because sometimes i feel so lonely,small,insignificant...and i think,who else feels like that out there?and then i get all philosophical.Who knows what life's really about? We come to so many of our own conclusions. last night.i lay awake thinking about the boy i "love"-but then i thought,what is love?surely theres no clear cut definition of it.what i feel to be love...couldnt that be what other people would consider..a distant liking?theres no metre that measures how strongly you feel towards someone.its not like you hold hands for a certain amount of time,and wait for a red light to turn on,and people come out and say CONGRATULATIONS!YOURE OFFICIALLY IN LOVE!....so who are they to say this is just a teen thing?I may feel more intensely towards someone in the future..but it wont be the same...so how do we compare adult love to love in teenage years?Love is indefineable.I like to call it a state of the mind.A beautiful illusion.like...well,like any mental state.It is what our minds and personalities make it. ok,i know that was confusing...I'm confused MYSELF(im sure that ramble makes it clear)...but...meh. it is what you make it.And writing things helps me make sense of it,come up with new ideas... im off to stalk innocent friendlings on msn..if theyre around. anyone feel free to add me karen_marshall1@hotmail.co.uk i promise i aint a pervert..or murderer.etc. LOL

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