• I'm not exactly happy, but I'm not miserable. I mean, I hate a lot of stuff and am indifferent toward a lot of stuff and I wish I had more control over my life, but I'm not miserable. It's more like neutral. Slightly tipping toward the negative side of the scale, but with a lot of laughing and joking around in there. Anyway, I realized today how happy I actually am with life. I have a few close friends and then some not-so-close friends I like but don't hang out with outside of school. Today, one of my not-so-close friends told one of my close friends that she was thinking about killing herself. I'm really worried about her, 'cause I know she's truly miserable. I don't think she'll do it, but if she does, and we could have stopped it, I dunno... To sum it all up, it made me realize just how happy I am. Sure, there are bad days, things I regret, things I hate about myself, things I miss, etc. But there's a lot of laughing, joking around, grinning, and excitement too. If I could change anything about my life, I'd just change my self-esteem. xD It's almost freaking non-existant, and I worry about EVERYTHING WAY TOO MUCH. I need a job. Actually, I don't need money right now. But I would like a job. I need to get more campus service hours. I only got like 4 hours this year, and I'm s'posed to get 10 per year... Gaaah. Not to mention the community service hours my mom wants me to get...

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