• I'm extremely tired and angry. So why type this out now? Because tired and angry is my motivation. I seem to say more than when I am happy. It just dawned on me today that I am actually graduating. May 29th. I am so excited. I am just graduate and start my life. Get a job. Work for the rest of my life. Get away from people. On to new people that irritate me. So certain boy who leads me on, I like. I've liked him for a long time, and I have no idea why. Maybe it's the, I always want what I can't have, but I like to think that's it's more than that. I actually have feelings for him. Maybe he is being honest with me. Maybe he feels the same way I do. I don't know about him though. Something tells me not to trust him again. He just lets me down, continously. And he doesn't care. How could you not care if you let someone down? Isn't that the ultimate letdown to yourself? Letting down other people? When I hurt someone else, I don't know how to go on with my life. All I can do is cry and say how horrible I am. I hate hurting people. I want to know how I do it. Just when you feel like you have nothing left, someone pulls you back in. Sucks. My anxiety is letting up. It makes me so happy. I feel better than I have in a long time. My mind doesn't race as fast. My hands are still shaky, but that's just a part of me. It's hard to switch to a new dose, but it's worth it. There are my good days, my bad days. Anxiety is just a part of who I am. I am going to worry. I am going to have panic attacks. I am going to get dizzy and black out. I mind, but in a way, I don't. Because, like I said, it is who I am. I am tired more. I eat more. Then I get sick because I eat so much and all I do is sleep. Boy who leads me on is online. What am I going to do? Not to talk him. He could care nothing if he talks to me at all. He could care less.....ahhhhh. I need to stop typing for now.

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