i've lost my touch
i can't write well
&& it pisses me off!!
i've spent my whole life thinking music is what i'm here for
to sing
to write
to play
but i can't even get it right...
i've been learning piano for about 9 years
you'd expect me to be great right?
9 years is a bloody long time...
but i still suck
i have all these friends (mostly asian) that play like PROS and it pisses me off cuz i CAN'T
i know i would be better if i practised.
but screw that
i don't want to
and it's not like i can make myself want to
i just don't like playing the piano
not the stuff i'm playing anyway..
and i hate it cuz my teacher and mum both get pissed off i don't practise, and so do i.
but it's not gonna change.
and then singing.
well yeh maybe i'm decently good at it
thing is
so are 5 million other people
there's nothing special about my voice
it's bland
i don't even have that great a range
i mean YAY i can sing in key and do harmonies...
and i'm glad i have that ability cuz it's something i would miss
but i'm not good enough to go anywhere with it.
and i don't even know how to play the guitar...
like i started teaching myself a year ago?
well yeh i pretty much suck and don't have time to get lessons
i can't write songs either
i try
i write random poems
but the very few that i think are good when i write them,
i read the next day and am like errrghhhhh
and it's the same with dance too,,, i may be good at it... but i'm nothing special.
plenty of people are better than me.
so what am i gonna do with my life?
a career in the music industry is unstable as hell..
but i don't know what else to do
i have to do something right?
i don't want to teach
i don't want to sit in an office
i don't want to spend my whole life doing maths...
or running a business
i want to perform
i dunno if it's worth trying
i don't want to screw up my life by spending like 5 years trying to get into the music industry and failing....
cuz then there goes 5 years of my life!
but i guess i have to try?
thats always where my hearts been
as random as that is
people always say crap like 'listen to ur heart'
but mine doesn't really talk...
i think there was ONCE when i felt like it was 'my heart' telling me what to do
but like... that was my conscience ... or my head... or something un-disney-fairytaleish like that
i just knew that that was the right thing for me at the time
MAYBE
i should listen to god
its not like he talks tho either...
i sure can't hear anything
anyway thats my rant for the day :D
actually i lie... usually theres way more than 1
Ummm
- March 24, 2008
- organised-chaos.
- No Comments
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