• i've lost my touch i can't write well && it pisses me off!! i've spent my whole life thinking music is what i'm here for to sing to write to play but i can't even get it right... i've been learning piano for about 9 years you'd expect me to be great right? 9 years is a bloody long time... but i still suck i have all these friends (mostly asian) that play like PROS and it pisses me off cuz i CAN'T i know i would be better if i practised. but screw that i don't want to and it's not like i can make myself want to i just don't like playing the piano not the stuff i'm playing anyway.. and i hate it cuz my teacher and mum both get pissed off i don't practise, and so do i. but it's not gonna change. and then singing. well yeh maybe i'm decently good at it thing is so are 5 million other people there's nothing special about my voice it's bland i don't even have that great a range i mean YAY i can sing in key and do harmonies... and i'm glad i have that ability cuz it's something i would miss but i'm not good enough to go anywhere with it. and i don't even know how to play the guitar... like i started teaching myself a year ago? well yeh i pretty much suck and don't have time to get lessons i can't write songs either i try i write random poems but the very few that i think are good when i write them, i read the next day and am like errrghhhhh and it's the same with dance too,,, i may be good at it... but i'm nothing special. plenty of people are better than me. so what am i gonna do with my life? a career in the music industry is unstable as hell.. but i don't know what else to do i have to do something right? i don't want to teach i don't want to sit in an office i don't want to spend my whole life doing maths... or running a business i want to perform i dunno if it's worth trying i don't want to screw up my life by spending like 5 years trying to get into the music industry and failing.... cuz then there goes 5 years of my life! but i guess i have to try? thats always where my hearts been as random as that is people always say crap like 'listen to ur heart' but mine doesn't really talk... i think there was ONCE when i felt like it was 'my heart' telling me what to do but like... that was my conscience ... or my head... or something un-disney-fairytaleish like that i just knew that that was the right thing for me at the time MAYBE i should listen to god its not like he talks tho either... i sure can't hear anything anyway thats my rant for the day :D actually i lie... usually theres way more than 1

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