• i don't feel so great. tomorrow's gonna suck. i've just been fighting with everyone lately. Tay, Eric, i probably fought with Chloe, i've been kinda pissed at Nate... i don't wanna go to school tomorrow. i'm... scared. ashamed. done with the excuses. i've felt like shit for the past few days. i... i had suicide thoughts this morning. because i was so mad at myself for being so mad at everyone else. what loss would one little bitch be? sure, they'd all miss me. but they'd get over it. but of course i can think of thinking, but never to the point where i would actually plan it. i'm not that brave, i'm not that decisive. i'm just so done with this. iwantout. out of this vicious cycle, out of this town, out of this perspective. but not out of this life. [[notyet]] i wrote a few stanzas today. i'll come up with more to go with them later. "no more tears, no more pain" said the wind to the rain and the oceans, ashamed felt that they were to blame. wind-rain-oceans... they all stand for something. granted, oceans are not the best metaphor.. they're deep and cool and greenish-blue, not quite the right representation. perhaps clouds. no, that's too pretty. or blank slates...that might fit. i’m tired of the excuses that I’ve made the the things that i've been hiding start to fade these words can never mean what I would say i just don’t know how to make it through the day that just says how i feel right now. i make so many excuses to myself. i'm sick of it. absolutely sick of it. i'm sick of me. how can i go around saying that these people need to change, when i am so much worse than they are? how can i ever live up to what i want to be?

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