• its official everything i've ever wrote about is my doubt it humanity. for a moment in time i feel hopeless but im on a high right now. suddenly i dont feel like complete and total shit, i feel slightly important. i look down at everything & i should have looked forward to the club but it was amazing. i havent had so much fun in soo long. i didnt get raped or groped, i felt attractive and sexy and danced with a lot guys but one tends to stand out the most. his name was alejandro. his eyes were gorgeous his hair was pretty cool and his face was flawless. & oh god his accent ahhhhhh so hot. he was so polite and well mannered. AND he kissed my neck my gosh i havent felt those kind of butterflies in soo long. it was nice. i didnt feel like my normal self and it felt great to step out of my skin even if it was for one night. so now everythings the same. eh its alright uh some festival on sunday, kinda excited. my friends ex-boyfriends friend is coming maybe something will spark? :] well now im waiting for everything to crash because happiness is a warm gun as john lennon would say. happiness is never permenant at one point the good fortune will end and you will crash kind of like drugs i guess. you have to feel both extremes of complete happiness and the dark hole of depression & those who dont miss out on life. so far i havent felt the total depth of both emotions, but i will. which is bittersweet. well time to vent okay this girl she calls me her bestfriend but i dont really feel the same i think its because we have different views on that term. we never have insightful and meaningful conversations. i cant trust her whatsoever she trusts me but always worries about my reaction but i dont give a fuck. everything she has to say is bullshit. crush after crush but she will never have a boyfriend because she has nothing to offer but big hair and terrible makeup. i pity her. but in the end thats all she wanted. and she acts like a total fucking blonde in public and at the end of the day she wonders why everyone thinks shes such a dipshit. she also acts like a spazz, falling on the floor, laughing obnoxiously embarressing herself like only a total idiot could and only for that wince of attention. :/ but in the end i must stay by her side for the rest of the year because she has no one else as much as she thinks she does. i kind of want one person that i can love for all eternity. someone fun and interestign that will hold my hand and never get bored/sick of me & vise versa. whos cute and funny and always lifts my mood. if i had that person i wouldnt need anyone else.

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