• weeelll. the 'rents are fighting. i think they still are.. mom ignored dad all last night. dinner was awful. no one said anything, and what little conversation there was was soooo awkward. i don't even know what happened. at school today... hm. depressing note convos with C, what else is new? i can't even explain why i'm so upset. i don't even know. long story short, i think nate is still worried. and really, i'm hardly surprised. i'm a mess. what i am surprised about is that he can deal with me being a mess. aside from being worried about me it doesn't affect him a bit. anyway. we talked about the Holocaust today in german. herr joyce had slides- like real, old-fashioned slides. we're talking 1972 German Olympics here- of pictures he took at concentration camps in Germany. one of them was just a field... it looked so pretty and peaceful. not like what you'd expect a concentration camp to look like. then he said that this was the camp where they'd send people from other camps when they were old or sick or couldn't work anymore. there was nothing provided for the people sent there. no food, no clean water, no place to sleep... just an open field. just a place to die. there were long grassy bumps scattered throughout the field- mass graves. 2500 people, all buried in one long trench and then all covered up. hidden. forgotten. there were pictures of kids from our school, just standing there, crying. pictures of a sculpture outside a partially reconstructed camp, a museum of sorts. the sculpture just screamed pain- you could see twisted bodies, barbed wire, people reaching for each other- but it was just a piece of metal. nothing more, nothing less. i am highly critical of art, not that i have much right to be, but i am- never in my life have i seen anything as moving as that sculpture. never. there were pictures of the inside of one of the reconstucted camp buildings. pictures taken during the Holocaust, pictures of hundreds of people crammed into one little building. pictures of people who were going to die. pictures of the crematorium at the camp. there weren't even that many pictures. just enough to make me want to cry. i almost did. that empty field...it's haunting. picture it. a beautiful, empty field... now fill it with the sick, the hurt, the dying. soldiers. small children. guards. it's raining, no shelter. people screaming in pain. people weeping because their loved ones have died and been haphazardly placed in a mass grave. the cruel laughter of a guard. a gunshot or two. chaos, disorder. just an empty field.... i am going on that exchange. i am paying my respects to people far braver and stronger than me. people that didn't deserve to die. people who should be remembered. "Den Toten zur Ehr. Den Lebenden zur Mahnung." To the dead in honor. To the living, a warning. PS to jacklyn07- after that most depressing entry of mine, something happy. been following your journal off and on for a little while, glad things worked out. :)

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