• I was almost ok for a second i turned the other way for a second i had nothing left to say for a second i remembered to pray actually it was for two days but in the long run, it was as worthwhile as a second i'm so not in the mood to write or maybe i am just not well i havent written well since that night when it all began when i first realised this was a big deal and i'm still here two goddam months later i was almost there i tried to hold on i prayed and prayed and prayed but now i look like a fool a desperate obsessive stalkerish fool and i want to convince you that i'm not but won't that just make it worse? i'll just be a desperate obsessive stalkerish lying fool how can i make you understand? why am i back where i started! GAHHHHHHHHHHH i was so close to forgetting about you! to being happy! but then one little comment makes me realise how you must see me... and i don't like it so i get upset although i have a lot of other reasons to be upset for starters i'm REALLY tired and then everything from my family stressing me out to realising that i'm becoming even more self obsessed i just wanted to truly care about you turned out a BIT unhealthy but i'm not as obsessed as i may seem not with you anyway just the fact that this time i HAVE to get it right but it looks like i'm failing its the final countdown seriously this time its either 1 or 3 days and i'm glad and upset i never learnt how to say goodbye so i'm pretty sure i'll get it wrong i don't even know what i want to say this time sorry? thankyou? hopefully we can end on a clean slate? i was wrong you were right i'm sorry that i tried to fight the stupid thing is that once again i'm beneath you and i can't help you from here so i'm just screwing you up even more WHY DO I SCREW EVERYTHING UP??? why do i want people to feel sorry for me? i would a way better job if i could lie but i cant lie not just because it defeats the purpose... but because i'm a really bad liar but if people know the truth they'll never want you so i'm back to thinking i'ts worthless i know you want me but i don't think i'll help you so maybe we can just be secret friends? i won't tell anyone that way they won't get turned off they'll still want you but thats a lie too i know it because i know i'm meant to live for you and people are meant to know please just get me out of this mess in one final night fix everything please. No Song.

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