I was almost ok
for a second
i turned the other way
for a second
i had nothing left to say
for a second
i remembered to pray
actually it was for two days
but in the long run, it was as worthwhile as a second
i'm so not in the mood to write
or maybe i am
just not well
i havent written well since that night
when it all began
when i first realised this was a big deal
and i'm still here
two goddam months later
i was almost there
i tried to hold on
i prayed and prayed and prayed
but now i look like a fool
a desperate obsessive stalkerish fool
and i want to convince you that i'm not
but won't that just make it worse?
i'll just be a desperate obsessive stalkerish lying fool
how can i make you understand?
why am i back where i started!
GAHHHHHHHHHHH
i was so close to forgetting about you!
to being happy!
but then one little comment makes me realise how you must see me...
and i don't like it
so i get upset
although i have a lot of other reasons to be upset
for starters i'm REALLY tired
and then everything from my family stressing me out to realising that i'm becoming even more self obsessed
i just wanted to truly care about you
turned out a BIT unhealthy
but i'm not as obsessed as i may seem
not with you anyway
just the fact that this time i HAVE to get it right
but it looks like i'm failing
its the final countdown
seriously this time
its either 1
or 3 days
and i'm glad
and upset
i never learnt how to say goodbye
so i'm pretty sure i'll get it wrong
i don't even know what i want to say this time
sorry? thankyou?
hopefully we can end on a clean slate?
i was wrong
you were right
i'm sorry that i tried to fight
the stupid thing
is that once again
i'm beneath you
and i can't help you from here
so i'm just screwing you up even more
WHY DO I SCREW EVERYTHING UP???
why do i want people to feel sorry for me?
i would a way better job if i could lie
but i cant lie
not just because it defeats the purpose...
but because i'm a really bad liar
but if people know the truth they'll never want you
so i'm back to thinking i'ts worthless
i know you want me
but i don't think i'll help you
so maybe we can just be secret friends?
i won't tell anyone
that way they won't get turned off
they'll still want you
but thats a lie too
i know it
because i know i'm meant to live for you
and people are meant to know
please just get me out of this mess
in one final night
fix everything
please.
No Song.
For a second
- March 14, 2008
- organised-chaos.
- No Comments
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