• i've come to realize that i complain a lot on these journals when honestly i've inflicted all the pain on myself. I'M the one who isolated myself I'M the one who never called back my friends I'M the one who refused to go to any social gathering and look where it got me. i'm alone and fucked i've also come to realize i have A LOT of angst and anger that i really need to let out i need to find some non-verbal & non-violent method of letting out my aggression :/ i've once again come to realize that im not as nice as i seem. people say that im so nice and that i need to be more cynical and shit well have you ever fucking thought of the possibility that i am bruatally honest and a terrible person but not to your face? that i tell everyone how i feel exept you and im so conving and manipulating that you never found out? yea im that good ive had so many realizations as well as the fact that no one changes. after years and years the person that you most expected would be a better person ends up being teh same bastard that fucked you up in the beginning. yea change is possible but you'll always have a little piece of what you once were. call me pessimistic or call me honest. whatever it is i have no hope in humanity. we have dug a hole so deep full of shit theres no climbing out. theres no room for optimism anymore. fuck all the people in happy little bubbles that no one can seem to pop. fuck all those sissy bitches who breeze through life with not the slgihtest care. fuck all those blonde katy zombies that make me want to appologize to god or whatever created us for the terrible people we have become. no morals. no love. want to know why we have no love? because its easier to hate we all know this. i promise you we repeat the word hate more than love. both words represent extreme emotions that we just throw around. we say i love you before we mean it and i hate you before we truely feel it. im jealous of my parents for going through there childhood with none of this shit. and i pity myself for having such a shitty life and all the shitty people around me. fuck you all

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