• i know i've said this before but lately everything still seems so fucking jaded... i wonder if life will just continue to fucking.. eradicate itself into nothingness. just a random thought. _____________________________________________ more and more as i get older and mature i incessantly find myself going, "huh, well isn't that ironic?" it's laughable and almost becoming a routine. please help me make it stop. _____________________________________________ it's a scientific fact that teenagers use their amygdalas more and adults use their "frontal lobe" which inevitably leads them to making more rational decisions. but you know what i say? fuck that. fuck your stupid science and your arrogant "it's a proven fact"s and your fucking "we're more educated on this than you"s. i say fuck that because you can't prove anything if you've never even experienced it. they recently tested a "certified" genius who was a teenager, because they figured he would use his front lobe more.. guess what? he didn't. why? because he's, emotionally, a fucking normal TEENAGER, regardless of whether he knows his fucking books.. point here is whether you go by heart or mind, if your decision is well-thought out and not on a whim, you will make a damn good decision. ____________________________________________ you know what the fuck fucking sucks? first-impressions guhhhhh. my fear for them is almost enough to make me a homebody, make me not want to meet people ever. but no. i go the fuck out there and i put myself in front of you and i wear my heart on my goddamn sleeve. i am naturally a very social person... but that doesn't mean i still don't get nervous as fuck when going in front of a crowd (audience?) of people and presenting myself. i've sang, talked, cried, cussed, raged, protested, danced, laughed, done tricks, acted, and made fun of people in front of large crowds, audiences, gatherings, groups, followings.... on stages, on platforms, during concerts, on the ground, in the air... i've done so many things in front of people that could easily define myself in people's eyes that it's almost ridiculous. and you know what? i've done some shitty things, but even then, some people didn't turn me away right off the bat. and the ones who did, fuck you. fuck you and your demeaning glances. fuck you because you think you're cooler than me. fuck that, you're inferior to me in every way. why? because i had the fucking balls to go up there and put the spotlight on me for a couple of seconds/minutes/hours. those people who still laugh at my lame jokes, who cheer when i shout my opinions, who encourage me when i get shaken up, those people... those people are a blessing. granted they could only be in it just to follow the crowd, but who the fuck cares? it's what fucking keeps me going and it's why i do what i do. it's why i love talking to people so much, it's why i can initiate conversations with strangers and not be self-conscious of what i'm saying. it's why i can fucking be me. thank you. ________________________________________________ i'm done ranting, but i just wanna say thank you to all of my friends, family, strangers, and songmeaning members who have comforted me, cried with me, sent us food (chocolate fixes everything!) catered to my every whim (regardless of how fucked up i was, and what my most ridiculous demand was; you were there), stuck with me through all of this, and most of all, listened to me. my friends have consequently been divided into who's true blue and who's not. and the users on here who read my last entry and had enough sense to figure out what was wrong, those of you who reached out to me, thank you so much. it's been so rough, and it still hurts so bad, but to know that there's people out there, man, there's people out there who care about me and who don't even know me! i am so thankful. words cannot describe. it makes me feel so good to know that humanity hasn't completely went down the fucking drain. thanks for being my hope, guys. thanks for being my friends, my hope, and my blessings.

• No Comments

Log in now to tell us what you think this song means.

Don’t have an account? Create an account with SongMeanings to post comments, submit lyrics, and more. It’s super easy, we promise!