• i cant smile anymore. im an incapable of it. even though im smiling 75% of the time its not a real smile. i dont remember the last time it came naturally to me. i have to think about it and when i flash my toothy grin i look uncomfortable and nervous. D: a speaker came to my school the other day. he survived the haulocaust and he told us about his experience. i bit my lip for the rest of the day, bolted through my front door, and finally cried on my kitchen floor. i cried for the first time in too long. all the emotions i kept bottled in me for years exploded and i was no longer able to contain myself. i wish i could be passionate about something or even someone. to care so much about what i am doing that i have my whole life revolve around it. however i am to bitter for that to happen. my steel body doesnt accept extreme emotions for anything/one. or maybe it just all in my head. whatever it is there is a barrier between me and the rest of the world. and oddly im very happy its there

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