• Everything seems to have brought me to this point, where I can now fully understand what is happening in my mind with greater clarity. It is unconscious, ego-driven thought and a false sense of self, bundled up with self-definitions and bad memories that I have unwittingly allowed to define me. I understand what Eckhart Tolle is saying now, because I can feel it too - two minds exist in me, not one. One of them represents my true self, something like an innocent observer of what my other mind does to me, how it lives in constant thought and explanations, judgements, and negative emotions. It is a hectic part that can never find solutions, and I know this first hand because it has fooled me into thinking that I AM it, when all this time I have not. What lies beyond the realm of thought, then? When I no longer derive identity from my past or believed future, and surrender to the present moment, who will I be? I will be my true self, what I have been searching for my whole life. I can finally be free of my strange social afflictions, and anxiety disorders, because they are all a part of my false definition. To be able to go beyond thought, and live on a higher plane of existance, so to speak, but to still be able to use thought, just in a more fruitful way (honestly, most of my thought is utterly useless and instantly forgettable, and most of it just resists the present). Eckhart Tolle is completely right...and I've had similar thoughts in the past: What's the use in resisting what is? From now on, I must strive to be aware of my thoughts, my negative emotions. But not to fight them; just be aware of them. Because through awareness of them, I no longer identify with them, and I find a new identity, which can never be defined.

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