• I think today I'm going to try something new. I usually write in poetry, in metaphores twisting the words into a thousand different angles. This way, by losing the starting point, no one can even begin to emphasize. People read dismissively because they can't understand. I wonder if anyone knows that I do it on purpose. But maybe it's about time i started letting people in. It's a risk to take, but I don't really have anything to lose. Every day is the same. I got to school, do nothing, then come home and do more nothing. I feel like I'm just wasting the days. I want to die with no regrets, but I have made so many mistakes.Sometimes I feel like it would take a whole other lifetime to ammend them all. I'm hurting, but I'm okay. Bent but not broken. I can be repaired. And the thing is, I know what i need to do to make this right. But somehow I think that's what gets to me the most. I can see myself perfectly in 15 years. But I can't even begin to imagine myself for tomorrow. I know exactly who I want to be. It's just someone so extrodinarily different from who I actually am. Every day I say it will be different. But the words have become such a familiarity they have lost all meaning. I almost forget to feel disappointed when I got o sleep and awaken to realize I'm still not there. But hey, this is new. I'm trying. This is proof. Here I am baring my soul for the world to see. Hey god, are you watching? I just read the most amazing journal today. headbangforjesus. It was a girl I think whose sole purpose for being on songmeanings was to spread the word of god. She wanted to bring faith to the emo scene of undiscovered music. I must say I was rather taken aback. I caould not even imagine being so sure of anything at all. Let alone somethign intangible. I really admire that girl. Faith is so hard to come by these days. Thanks for still believing :)

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