• WELL THEN I think I'm going to start making entries everyday. Since I have nothing better to do, and no drive when it comes to school work/homework. That's one thing I would love to work on. It NEEDS to improve. I want to succeed in life, but weakness is holding me back. I hate this. Not knowing whats going to happen, not knowing which direction I'm going next. I find that listening to TDWP does help. It's like something I can finally relate to. Since I am religious myself. But I don't know...I have no drive. I'll procrastinate, and give up. I find myself not doing any work simply because I don't feel like it. I have no better reason, and yet I can't help but just put things aside. :( Moving on.... I wish I was a lot older, like 18. Freedom, finally done with school. I have a life. hahaha. Much more responsibilities, I know. But I really can't stand having my mom nag at me any longer. So many years of her nagging its finally setting in. Sometimes I wonder if something will ever happen to me, that'll get me known, famous, whatever. Like will I ever make it big in a band? Will I ever randomly get into acting, modeling, designing? I ask myself these questions everyday. No one has the answer. And I'm awaiting my destiny. Today was a decent day. The girl I hang out with most didn't come to school, so I was stuck with the guys for today. Hahah :) it was an interesting experience. I chilled with a boy a little more, and he's pretty chill. He's cute, that doesn't hurt. I don't know?! Nothing will happen, Nothing ever does. I see a cute boy and it ends up being ruined something so little. It's horrible. The same thing always happens to me. I'm possibly changing high schools, which I'm dreading. Since making new friends in high school is NOT a simple deal. Hahaha telling myself everything is going to be okay does not work. I finally realized it's not going to be okay. Life is such a game. and I'm losing. I give up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sunny skies, windy, laughter. It's annoying. I wish I was just happy, like SERIOUSLY happy for once !!! It's been so long that I've actually been truly happy, if I do think about it. I don't know.... the last time I was truly happy was probably in 3rd grade. Before my parents were divorced. I try to make it seem as if I don't care what happened to their relationship....but secretly I do care. It hurts a lot. I'm always curious of what it would be like seeing/living with my dad now. But I don't know, it's not like they're going to magically get back together. Things don't ever happen that way, unlike in the Movies. I'm done for today. xoxo

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