• systematic overflow . the way i feel. it seems i'm being pulled in more directions then my body can go. between the pressures of my parents, my coaches, my teachers, and even my friends to be things i'm not. it seems these days that my face is getting more and more tired of forcing a smile. everything i have been delt in the past year, from the death of my cousins during the summer to the loss of best friends in june to getting cheated on by my boyfriend, who for the longest time was my vent. he kept me going. he cleared my head. i needed him. as much as i hate to admit it, i needed him. I NEEDED HIM SO MUCH. and now i see him with her. talking with her. kissing her. leaving with her. i can't take it. i promised my self i would never need a man, i would never cry over a boy, i would never be played a fool by a boy. a stupid stupid boy. i wish i had just kept things simple. in the summer, just fooling around, nothing really. i thought i was in control, i thought i had the upperhand. it was excatly how i wanted things to be. but then he wanted to be more, he wanted more, he needed more, but i didn't know. but i said yes. why did i say yes? because somewhere along the line i had fallen in love. now here i am, alone once more. life is better, uncomplicated, with no feelings involved. and yes i know i'm young, and to be young and in love is a troublesome duo, and a lie. or at least i thought it was, until he left. or was i in love? i feel as though i was, or why else would i feel as though he's stamping on my heart everytime he looks at me. when he says we need to talk, we need to be friends. does he understand how close to tears i am whenever the thought of him comes up, the feeling of his lips against mine, the lingering of his fingertips on my skin, the image of him and her. he said it wasn't planned. is that suppose to make me feel better?

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