• sitting here swimming in my school notes, eating salty vegetable stir-fry and overdosing on caffeine. everything feels so out-of-body. people still stare at me. i thought being ugly was the same as being invisible. but i guess dark green glasses aren't enough. kind of dizzy in the way only a stoner would understand. mom suspects carbon monoxide poisoning. but she's crazy. 'runs in the family' an overused joke, but it's something that you laugh at out of habit. don't love anymore either, but i say it out of habit. ironic how the meaner i am, the more they fall in love with me. i don't care anymore. not many people even get on the dartboard, let alone the inner circles. i blindfold and spin them round. somewhat worried that i am going bad. that my kindness is dissolving. a chemical reaction. it's the little things. the dirty(or flirty) looks. ignoring drive-by smiles. picking apart your insides. breaking you down with a grin. it's awfully difficult though. jiminy cricket is screaming, 'turn off your head!' or maybe it's 'off with your head!' never know with him. it's not about showing how you feel. it's about hiding it. it's not about being better than everyone else. it's about being worse.

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