It's been a year now...

  • Since you've been here now And I've been trying to heal inside. Okay, so Dashboard lyrics are generally trite. But, in other news, it really has been a year now since I've been a member on SongMeanings.net. That's a neat fact. Missy Higgins is my latest musical obsession. For once, not all of her songs apply to me. They really don't. If they did, my life would have a hell of a lot more romance, love, and general happiness in it. But still. She sounds lovely, and makes me feel somewhat happier. Jack's Mannequin & Spill Canvas are touring together in 2008. It's like God was like, hey, Samantha's life sucks hardcore enough, we'll give her a teensy weensy break. This makes me suspicious, this touring combination. My two favorite bands. Touring together. Something has to go viciously wrong in order for me to take this for what it is. Someone's going to die, or I won't be able to go to the concert, or someone will die on the date OF the concert and I won't be able to go, etc etc. Seriously. My life just doesn't go this well. It never has before so I'm hesitant to think it would now. Generally speaking, the way my life has been going these past few years, I must have been fucking Adolf Hitler in a past life - that's how much God hates me. Not that I'm super religious or anything. I'm Jewish, sort of. I celebrate Hanukkah and Christmas though, too. I don't even know what the fuck I am. Whatever. But still, I religion makes me all ... wishy washy. The way I see it that there are 2 different perspectives. one: that god has supreme control over everything, you know, like someone dies - oh, it's god will. but i don't really want to believe that, because that makes me feel like i have no control over my life. and it makes me feel like if that were the case, god really DOES hate me. but then two: your own actions determine what happens in your life. like, youre responsible for the shit that comes to you (karma, in a way, i guess?). but i mean, if thats the case, we're back to the WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO DESERVE HALF THE SHIT IN MY LIFE. i'm slightly bitter. so, now that i've given my thoughts on religion, which isn't really what i intended to do with this post, um, i guess i'm going to go make some sandwiches. or something. if you read this, by chance, and are so infuriated by my feelings on the big g-d, or even better: want to clear that shit up for me so that maybe i can have a little faith or whatever, e-mail me. it should be in my profile. another thing that makes me a little angry is that you can't comment on journal entries here. there are a lot i read (generally the 'latest journal,' but still) & sometimes i want to comment on peoples shit and be like, oh hey, i know what you're going through. or hey, don't do that. or hey, you're overreacting. but i'd say it nicer, obvs. it's been a weird day.
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