• Current Music: So Close So Alive by Just Surrender i love this song. something about it just puts you in a good mood. all of just surrenders songs put you in a good mood, however the same songs also have the ability to help you out when your in a depressed mood. trust me, if you haven't heard of them, go on and pick up their cd. its amazing, and it will truly change your life :] so, i've started hanging out with my cousin a lot lately. it turns out that he's pretty cool. usually he's just someone to talk to at family shit during the holidays, but he's turning out to be a really fun person to hang out with. which is really weird for me to say cause i am so not a family person. his friends are pretty awesome too. his one friend (we'll call him charlie) for whatever reason i'm like drawn to him. i find myself looking at his myspace every day. whenever i hang out with my cousin i find myself hoping he will be there. i want to start to get to know him better but i just don't wanna put myself on the spot again. i'm so terrified of getting hurt again. idk what to do..i'm trying not to think about it but so far it's not working : / i've decided that i'm in desperate need of a new crowd. i'm just so sick of my friends. i feel like all we do is the same shit. we have more drama to deal with than we have fun. it's just getting old really fast. part of me wants to lose them, and never talk to them again. but part of me can't leave behind the only people who have been there with me when things started to get really bad. just one more thing i don't know how to deal with. on one postive note, i started sending in my college applications...i'm kind of nervous about it though. for the most part i've applied to colleges that are atleast 2-3 hours away. i just don't want to get stuck here. this place sucks...nothing happens here. the truth is that i'm terrified of becoming my sisters. one who is still taking courses at brookdale after 4 years and has no idea what she wants to do in life. or the other who is 22 and has a baby and no job, and she's not married. if all goes well, i will leave this town and everyone in it behind. and i'll never look back.

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