And I already want to die...or do I?

  • January 05, 2008
  • imabee3
  • No Comments
  • So today was good, then it sucked a bit, then it was good again. I was so tired, but I think it's worth it. Except when I get so tired that I get depressed and then I want to die, or leave, or something. Anything but this and here. Now I feel ok, but just a little bit ago I felt like bursting into tears and finding some strong rope and a tree. Forget that, if I'm going to die, I'm at least going to die warm. Maybe it should be an indoor tree. I wonder if anyone would truly care if I died. Honestly, I don't do anything important that changes things or makes a difference. People would realize my absence for a bit, and then get over it, as if I'd never existed. But that's probably true for everybody, right? To make ourselves feel better, we forget that the person we cared about even existed at all, so that we don't have to think about the fact that they're not here anymore. I need to go to sleep, I guess. Or I am actually depressed. I am going to keep denying that, because there is no way I could actually be depressed, I have no real reason to be. If I actually was, I'd feel more guilty than I already do for having such a great life and hating it. I'm not alone...I'm not alone...It's going to be ok...keep waiting...I'm sick of waiting...wait harder, try harder...Ok, fine.
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