• ahahaha. i just lost an entire entry! a forced fresh start! a message saying; 'do it over.' alright then. i will. so, back to where i was. i am tired of all the rules and regulations of logic sitting cold on the table till i finally choke them down to leave. i am tired of poetic reasons shooting at my feet. i am just the dried weed pressed insideook. i am waiting for the house to burn down so i can get my peace. all the memories are choking me. not letting me edit the details, but forcing me along. down that hallway with a full recognition of what is going to be said. the same memories. stuck inside of myself leaning against my bedroom door. hoping for a change in the script, but knowing through and through. he will push open the door and slam me against the wall. 'take off your glasses' and i will be forced to oblige. asked to load the rifles for my own firing squad. this is a force not to be tangled with. and definitely not to be underestimated. of course, i had to give it a try. it would be just like me to take the easy way out and give up this training. excuse myself from growing up. running away from my problems, but i think that i am the problem. and like he said, 'maybe that's the problem all along.' this is worth more than just being okay. the forbidden dreams are the ones you always wish for when stars commit mass suicide. this is who i am right now. and i will probably change. who and what i love will change in a matter of months. this is just another " i'm sorry for violating your thoughts." but i really wish you weren't so willing. this is a message to a lot of people. but some of the pieces aren't meant for anyone but me. my skin is gone and everything is grating against my bones. i really wish i'd had more calcium. i have no clue what i want and need anymore. so i'm running on instincts and regrets. i'm too crowded to be lonely. and i'm too lonely to need space. this is just me dusting away the evidence to hide my fingerprints. because the last thing i knew i didn't need was you to see me like this. this won't mean a thing come tomorrow. and that's exactly how i'll make it feel.

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