• 20 minutes till the new year. mr. brightside has always made my heart throb. i have the live video of fall out boy covering it from the concert i went to in november. i also have the playradioplay! version of it. so. the new year is coming? huh. i can't seem to find the right resolutions. last year it was so simple. this year, everything has reasons and undertones. all the excuses have taken me there. i'm almost exactly where i wanted to be last year. but not really. there's too much to ask for. and i am an all or nothing kind of person. i bet that would change if i joined the musketeers. 'all for one. and one for all.' i've always been more of a fairy though. one of those bad ones. the ones who curse the heroes out of jealousy. jealousy turning saints into the sea. i fucking hate people who half-swear. either say 'fuck' or don't. no fudge for you. no f@ck either. faaack is okay because it sounds funny. basically, you sound like an idiot. and no fucking 'bleep'. i swear. either be fully clean or be fully mean. fuck you. grow up. nothing is going to be different when the hands of the clock embrace. the only good thing i see about the next year is that it has my favourite number in it. the flipped infinity. things will happen and i will change as i always do. don't you all understand? time doesn't care about the way we measure it. it'll move on no matter who gets left behind. this new year won't mean a thing. nobody's going to become magically beautiful and successful. the fireworks are pretty. but not as beautiful as the clear starry sky. lie down in the cool grass and breathe in the crisp night air. stare up at the gems in the sky. more valuable than any diamond. but not as valuable and intangible as the lover you want lying there beside you. just another one of my far-fetched daydreams. too bad everyone here breathes funny. i can't lie down beside anyone around here without laughing and walking away. but is that just cruel? time will ki(ck)ss it beter. and you never meant a thing to me. last year's wishes are this year's apologies. every last time i come home.

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