• Friday was nice. i was out with Emily, Dani, Ash and Channy, and they were all getting on. finally. the four of them have been scrapping it out over petty reasons the past few weeks, but on friday everyone was cool. it was nice. then i went to Emily's for a sleepover. it was the first sleepover ive been to in like.. a year. not counting Coleman's party, but that was more of a 'i need to crash here 'cause i cant go home when im this out of my face' than a 'can i sleep at your house tonight please?' anyway. we watched Pulp Fiction and the Boosh seasons 1 and 2. it was damn funny actually, Ems started describing sexual fantasies. xD she guessed who it was i was thinking about. then brought up Brandon Flowers. its nice to have friends who know you that well. Nige was being a proper decent friend and all. i was telling him how confused and screwed up i felt, and he said i should 'look on the bright side and not the bad side.' i mean.. thats my exact outlook on life. and i love Mr Brightside. it really cheered me up. i was meant to be going round his house today, but i dont know if i am anymore. Ben came on msn earlier and from what he said it sounds like him and Nige are out later. i'll probably join them if they are out. which is a bad idea i know, as they're probably going to be right cunts. they'll try and nick Chester and throw her in a ditch or something, thats for damn sure. but whatever. i still want to see them. i always do. Nige 'cause i have matters to pursue with him; for one, why he hates Emily so much when she's done jack; for another, why he was drunk and texting me when he was supposed to be fucking his girlfriend. and Ben 'cause, well, yeah. i like seeing him. he went on webcam when he was on msn, and i was like 'ahh.. you're pretty.' stupid whore. i was talking to the angels when i came out the shower this morning, quite literally pleading with them. i can be right pathetic. but seriously, i have insane hope that today will be a good day. maybe. oh come on, angels, please, help me out here.. so yeah Nige was meant to be fucking his girlfriend when he was texting me. 'cause everybody thinks she doesnt exist, Nige's girlfriend. Steph. and i'm being the decent mate and believing him 'cause i resolved to never abandon my friends again. but the thing is.. i dont believe him. not just the Steph business, a hell of a lot of shit. half the stuff that comes out of his mouth, i'm thinking: 'hmm.. well..' which is why ive set out to prove that Steph exists. 'cause if she does, well, i kept to my resolution and stuck by my friend. and if she doesnt, then.. well, i'll have uncovered the truth. it sounds kinda mad, doesnt it? making up an imaginary girlfriend. but i can see his reasoning behind it. try and make Alex jealous or something. try and make himself look better. i can see why someone would be driven to that kind of thing. after all, it turned out that she had imaginary people too. 'she' being one of my two best friends of all time: Geo. Geo's always kept us entertained with tales of her best (non-Laura/TD) friends; Blake, Tom and Sophie. only it turns out they dont exist. yes, really. i cant really get my head around it.. theres so much that theyve done. Blake got hit by a car, saved a kid from drowning and was gonna move to Ohio. Geo used to fancy Tom like hell. Her and Sophie sneaked the two guys into their school once. they hung out at the Eaves, and it sounded wonderful. i must say i admire Geo.. it was such a brilliantly well-constructed fantasy. i believed all of it. kind of still do. she thinks i hate her 'cause she lied to us for so long. completely the opposite. i dont feel resentment, anger, hate, anything like that. i love her even more, if anything. im so glad she came clean. (see, if Nige only came clean, then i wouldnt resent him at all..) and anyway, i owe it to her to stick by her. 'cause it was this time last year, this exact day, when i let her down so horribly. it was this time last year, the last few days of December, she was down to die. and i wasnt there. and i've never forgiven myself for it, and i dont think i ever will. but ive kept to my resolve: 'Never abandon your friends.' ..i think Nige is ignoring me. ive texted him twice and left him messages on Bebo, and he hasnt replied. he's probably gone out with Ben. ah well, i'll sit in my room and draw like the cool kid i am 83 right, this is fucked up man. do you notice my tone change thoughout this journal entry? probably not but whatever. there's two people talking. the first, the person who's been talking for my entire journal previous to this entry is Ame, All Midnight Eyes, a realist who says 'fuck' a lot. the second, who keeps trying to show herself in this entry, is TD, the Tulip Dragon. TulipDragon was my old deviantART account, and now ive returned to dA its like im turning back into her. shes hyperactive and uses a lot of smiles. i'd write journal entries on that dA account, and the tone of that journal is a HELL of a lot different to the tone of this one. probably 'cause i've changed a LOT since quitting dA as TD. (Doom Dragon battle tune is playing! i love this song 8D) but now i've returned to dA as Ame. (Y) and i've got another tab open as im writing this, so i can browse dA while i think of what to write. and i go back to the happy TD frame of mind. Oh no, Doom Dragon changed to 'By Myself' by LP. this'll bring me back down to pissed off Ame's frame of mind. im such a schizo. i talk to angels and think of myself as two people, so who am i to judge those who need imaginary best friends and girlfriends? but i didnt judge either of them, you dick. You love Geo and Nige same as always, even if they do have imaginary people. made me think. wonder if any of my friends thought Laura and Geo were imaginary when i first started talking about them? of course, i can prove their existence completely, its just a thought. yeah, i bet he is ignoring me. Cunt. oh well, i got drawing pens and an iPod. i can keep myself amused.

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