• ...so why do i feel so alone? meh. i guess it's just me... almost had a breakdown last night. i was thinking about the guy i like and one of my guy friends... just horrible thoughts. i felt awful. but i suppose if i'm thinking these things, there must be some truth to them... -do i only like Peter because he was on JV and could help me improve my soccer so i can try out for a club team next fall? in short, do i only want him so i can use him? -do i like or think i might like [my guy pal] just because if i went out with him it would last? -do i only like him because everyone's asking me if i do and i'm getting tired of saying "no"? -am i forcing myself to like him so i will ask him out just to shut them all up? how screwed up can i get? i need some major help. Chloe, E, Tay if you still read this- now what? nowfuckingwhat?

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